Summary
In the Kingdom, marriage is defined by a beautiful union based on seven core principles. It starts with the understanding that marriage is a lifelong, permanent bond between a man and a woman. In this union, husbands are dedicated to following God, while wives, in turn, submit to their husbands. A crucial aspect of this relationship is the way husbands love their wives, emulating Christ’s love for the church by serving their wives selflessly. Similarly, wives show respect to their husbands, admiring and looking up to them. This mutual respect and love are further deepened as both partners actively seek to understand and fulfill each other’s needs. Additionally, a healthy sexual relationship, characterized by frequency and mutual enjoyment, is essential. This holistic approach, as outlined in the Bible, promises not confusion but peace in marriage, aligning with God’s vision of harmonious matrimonial life.
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The Kingdom of God is God’s way of doing things. In the Kingdom, there’s a way to approach marriage, and the Kingdom way of marriage is straightforward and simple. If we follow God’s blueprint for marriage, we will have a healthy and successful marriage. Creating our own version of marriage will lead to frustration and confusion. Therefore, let’s discover the Kingdom blueprint for marriage.
1. Marriage is a permanent union between a man and a woman for their entire life.
“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.'” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” – Matthew 19:4-6 NLT
Jesus teaches us that marriage is between one man and one woman. When they come together in matrimony, it shouldn’t be split apart. Therefore, marriage is designed to be permanent for your entire life and between one man and one woman.
2. The husband is submitted to God.
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. – 1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV
Kingdom marriage has an order of leadership. The order begins with the man submitted to Christ, and Christ submitted to God. Thus, the husband is ultimately submitted to God through Christ. The second principle of marriage is that the husband is submitted to God, which allows him to lead his marriage responsibly.
3. The wife is submitted to her husband.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. – Ephesians 5:22-24 NLT
What we see here is that the wife is submitted to her husband, as part of the order of leadership. Now, submission doesn’t mean agreement. When the Bible says wives are to submit to their husbands, it means that wives are following the husband’s lead in the marriage. The husband should get input from his wife and family, but he is the ultimate decision-maker with the final say in the marriage. The third principle is that wives are submitted to their husbands.
4. The husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her – Ephesians 5:25 NLT
A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. This means the husband is the ultimate servant in the family. Christ demonstrated love for the church by sacrificing His life so the church could have life. Similarly, when a husband serves his wife, he is giving up his desires and life to serve her. This is the burden of leadership. Leadership in the Kingdom is not about dictatorship, but service. Although Christ is our head, He served us. Christ teaches that those who wish to be first must be servants of all.
Thus, husbands, if you are to be first in the position of leadership, you must be servants to your wife and family. In the Kingdom way of marriage, when husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church, it means that the husband is ultimately serving the needs of his wife.
5. The wife respects her husband.
So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33 NLT
Respect means to admire and look up to someone. A wife needs to admire and look up to her husband, as this is a commandment in the Kingdom for wives. It’s important to note that when God says, “Husbands, love your wives,” and “Wives, respect your husbands,” these directives are unconditional. It’s not a matter of loving or respecting only if the other fulfills certain conditions. The Kingdom’s approach is to follow what God says about your role, trusting that God will address the other person if they are not fulfilling their responsibilities.
Our concern should be to do what the Bible instructs us in our respective roles. As a husband, your job is to love your wife even if she doesn’t fulfill everything God tells her to do. Similarly, as a wife, your role is to respect, admire, and submit to your husband, even if he isn’t fulfilling his part fully. These are one-sided commandments from God, and He holds us accountable for our part.
6. Both husband and wife intentionally discover and serve each other’s needs and desires.
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 NLT
Husbands and wives have the responsibility to intentionally think about and discover how to best serve each other’s needs and desires. If you are a husband and your wife loves flowers, you should frequently buy her flowers. If you are a wife and your husband enjoys certain sporting activities, you should think of ways for him to participate, and join him.
This scripture shows a mutual service to each other’s needs and desires. The sixth principle in the Kingdom is that both husbands and wives are intentionally discovering and serving each other’s needs and desires. This is not by accident; it’s a deliberate effort to understand and meet those needs.
7. Sex should be frequent and mutually enjoyable for both husband and wife.
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NLT
The wife and husband both have sexual needs, which should be fulfilled by the other spouse. Sex is not optional, based on personal feelings; it’s a commandment for the husband to fulfill the wife’s sexual needs and vice versa. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to the wife. It’s like trading keys to each others cars upon marriage.
Scripture advises not to deprive each other of sexual relations unless both agree to refrain temporarily for prayer, likened to a fast. This decision should not be unilateral; both parties should agree. Once the period of prayer is over, they should resume sexual relations to avoid temptation due to lack of self-control. The teaching here is that sex should be frequent unless there’s a mutually agreed-upon reason.
Sex should also be enjoyable for both husband and wife. They are fulfilling each other’s sexual desires, which are inherently pleasurable. Both partners should be engaged in learning and understanding what pleases the other sexually. It’s crucial that sex is mutually pleasurable, not satisfying just one party. The husband and wife are required to work towards a sexual relationship that is fulfilling and enjoyable for both.